It feels weird to actually feel like you are growing up. I was just telling my mom the other day I can tell I am a grown-up now as we walked by two young girls with gaping holes in their jeans. I have always heard women talk about how they loved their 30’s because they really grew into who they were and felt the most comfortable in their own skin. I finally feel that. I am 33 and I finally feel like I know exactly who I am and what I want in life, and I am comfortable with those things and happy with where I am headed. Obviously there is always room to grow and I want so much more for my life, but I am content in this moment. I am confident in who I am and how I am leading my family. I feel calm and strong and fulfilled. I have strong values and a purpose in life. If you know me, you know my purpose is my children and my family. I don’t need more than that. It took me a while to be comfortable with telling people that I am a stay at home mom. Now, I could care less how people view that. Their view of my life is a reflection of their own personality and not mine. I LOVE being home with my babies. I feel so lucky that I get to be here with them. Not a day goes by that I don’t stop and really feel grateful to have this life.
I can also tell I am growing up because my relationships with people are changing. And I think that’s a good thing. It is easier now to recognize the people in life that bring me joy and lift me up versus the people who drain me or leave me feeling negative. I have committed myself to growth and integrity and joy. I am finding it easier and easier to leave behind relationships that don’t involve any of those ideals. I have also opened myself up to new experiences and am meeting a lot of new people, which I have been enjoying. The girls and I have started trying out a few churches and we keep going back to one that we enjoy. Scott works on the weekends so I drop the girls off in their classes and I get some alone time every Sunday.
I am also toying with the idea of giving up alcohol. Never in my whole life did I think I would say that. I just don’t want crazy drunken nights anymore, or hangovers. My liver and my thyroid would certainly thank me for it. It is nice here and there to have a drink, but I don’t NEED it. And while I go through healing my Hashimoto’s, I think it is probably the best decision to leave that behind as well. Now to convince my husband to get on board with me giving it up. Easier said than done.
So far my 30’s started pretty crappy, but things are looking up. I am growing up. I look forward to the rest of this decade and what it may bring. I look forward to more learning, more healing, more joy. I look forward to loving my husband and my babies and our life just the way it is.
“Please stop overthinking life like you have to have an answer to every feeling or situation. That’s not how life works. We figure it all out by just living, by fucking up, by missing an opportunity, by seeking advice and not taking it. We learn what’s important and what isn’t. Sometimes we have no fucking idea what to do and it’s scary but it’s okay. Always trust your gut and know that everything will work out exactly the way it is supposed to be. It always does. Relax, we were never in control anyway.” -unknown