Christmas has me stumped. Not stressed or worried, just stumped.
Scott seems to work every single year on Christmas Day and/or Christmas Eve, so every year he comes home in the morning (because he works nights) and is dead tired and in a bit of a hurry to get to sleep. I get it. And this is the normal life of a law enforcement family. I’m not complaining. And I know Sienna has zero expectations for any holidays yet, so this is all me putting myself in this place, but I just have such a “hard” time figuring out how to make her Christmas Eve/Christmas Day just as special without Dad’s participation. I know it won’t be forever that Scott works the holidays, but I want to make it special for Sienna and Chloe now.
The other night I googled ideas for “Christmas for a single parent” but that just gave me ways to not be sad through the holidays. Not quite what I was looking for. I guess I just want some tradition or something we can do that will keep them excited and feeling like a family whether or not Dad is home for it. The grandmas come over for Christmas morning, usually, and do presents and breakfast. I am so grateful for that.
Being a police wife/family sure can get lonely, and this is just one example. I know I’m surrounded by family and friends, but it’s just not always the same when your husband/partner/baby daddy isn’t there to share things with you. I know we will continue to experience this for many years to come, I’m just still getting used to it now that Sienna is getting older and understanding more. And Covid doesn’t help for any 2020 holidays, but hopefully that will go away by next year (*crosses fingers*).
And I am sort of thankful we aren’t a fire family who doesn’t get to even hug daddy for days, sometimes weeks, at a time. I often wonder which is better: seeing him for his walk in and out the door and getting a hug or not seeing him at all to have to watch him walk out the door everyday. I think the more hugs the better. I bet Sienna thinks the same.
I’m also so grateful for and in love with the relationship that Sienna and Scott have. Chloe isn’t far behind. They love their daddy so much. It makes my heart so happy to see. I think that’s why I even care about the holidays like I do. I just want him to be able to have a full Christmas experience with us. To wake up “rested,” have some hot coffee with his wife, watch his daughters open their presents, and be awake with us for breakfast and laughs and Christmas music and family. One day.
Until then, my goal is to come up with some Christmas Eve tradition I can do just us girls. Cookies for Santa? Or for the neighbors on Christmas day? Christmas movie in some new pj’s with fun popcorn? Christmas music and pizza and smores? I haven’t decided yet. Maybe we’ll try them all.
Sometimes I wonder if I just need a bigger family? For when our kids are grown up, then we can have a house full at the holidays. And then Chloe cries and I realize someone has to still raise all those kids. Maybe once Chase and Vanessa and Ezra move home from Japan we can start some traditions with them instead. I can’t wait!
One day.
“The greatest legacy we can leave our children is happy memories.”
GRATITUDE: I am grateful that I have room for worries like holiday traditions, grateful for my healthy family, and grateful that we have such a loving dad and husband that makes our lives better by being in them.